Reflections Through a Jaundiced Eye by james mccurrach

Author:james mccurrach
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-08-13T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 5

CHILDREN

ANDREW OFTEN WONDERED HOW HE had managed to have children. With each passing year, his attraction to women receded and he knew after his marriage consummation that he had made a terrible mistake. Still, he had managed to father two sons, one of whom would die prematurely after years of substance abuse. It was a particularly sad event for Andrew as the younger son was the creative, sensitive one of the two. The older one worshiped him but Andrew had much more identified with the soul of the youngest. Young Peter’s (he often referred to himself as Pedro) premature death was inconceivable and impossible to rationalize away. Andrew could only meekly give thanks for the 46 years of life that they had been able to share. He knew that he personally had to keep going but losing one son provided more ammunition for further reflections. Once again, he would attach blame to” dear old dad” who constantly pressured him to have children. That pressure got even stronger after graduation from college. For his father, it was Andrew’s duty to carry on the family name. A fear of his father’s wrath had led Andrew to a heterosexual marriage. He might never have done that had he been more assured of his need for male companionship.He also wasn’t helped by his lack of knowledge about gay meeting places and bars that catered to a gay clientele. He would eventually learn about all of this and it would hasten the breakup of his marriage. In the interim, he could only admire his wife who struggled mightily to bring 2 sons into the world. The boys would be a source of great pride for Andrew despite their problems reconciling to a gay household. Andrew never helped on that score as he paraded a steady stream of bed mates into their living space. He made only a halfhearted attempt at discretion and would usually wave” caution to the wind” and wallow in the joys of male sexual pleasures. The boys eventually came to understand that this was more or less a part of the household routine. They might not approve of it, but, then again, they didn’t really have much say in the matter. Now that their mother was out of their lives, they desperately needed their father and generally went along with the new lifestyle. Andrew sometimes resented their intrusion in his love life but it became less of a problem as both sons were soon off to boarding school.With the boys away, Andrew became even more addicted to serial sexual adventures, but would eventually grow tired of it realizing that it was a “road” that would only lead to a bad ending. Unfortunately, his determination to settle down would initially prove to be a terrible mistake leading to a disaster almost beyond comprehension.But—that would be a long time coming and for the most part, Andrew made a major effort at being a good father. He might not be a very patient soul but he instinctively knew that the boys would mature and be more sympathetic to his needs.

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